Gaylife Magazine | Manchester

I’m A Survivor

Hi! I’m Kevin and I was sexually abused and raped by a family member for a period of years when I was growing up and I have long term effects that I still carry with me today. Despite years of guilt, I am coming to terms with the fact that it was NOT my fault.

Being gay and a survivor and not a victim of sexual abuse is a lot to come to terms with, and even today it is hard to talk about without feeling guilty or that it is my fault. Questions like ‘is it my fault that I was abused?‘ or ‘am I gay because of my experiences?‘ and ‘why was I picked on?‘ have haunted me on a daily basis and, despite having friends and support groups there to help, it is still hard today to accept who I am and accept my past.

I have learnt that I am not alone and there are many others who have experience similar abuse and guilt. You need to know that It is not your fault and that you are stronger than you believe.

Being Gay is not a question of just who you are and who you have become but who you have always been. The abuse you endured and suffered does also not define you as a person. Do not let past abuse go unpunished. Talk about it, Share your experiences and Report it to the police, however long ago the abuse happened.

Be Strong, don t be alone in your thoughts and if you are suicidal then please get help, nothing is to bad enough to want to die for. Be proud of who you are, where you have come from and be a survivor to help others and never ever be ashamed.

I still question every day am I good enough?, will I be able to get a partner who understands what I have been through?, I still question my sexuality and did the abuse make me who I am? but I am who I am and I have to reinvent myself to be the best I can.

Please talk about things, do not loose yourself in your inner demons and live your life the best you can. This is the best revenge for all the past abuse and remember.

Manchester is a vibrant and accepting city and it is here that you can be yourself and for you to forgot the past and embrace the future with the support of the LGTBQ+ community and Mens Sexual Abuse Groups and charities like Survivors Manchester and, of course, the Samaritans.

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